Photography by Laurel Cochran Photography

Article By Carol McCorkle

Like you, I'll be a bride soon. In the five years that my fiancé Doc and I have been dating, we've experienced our fair share of ups and downs. We've been through career changes and professional successes, family troubles and personal triumphs. Although we were a "couple" during these trials and tribulations -- we were still living separate lives. As we get closer to walking down the aisle, I find myself wondering how our relationship might change once we say our "I Do's". What obstacles will we have to face as newlyweds? I decided to ask some of my happily married friends about their first year together to learn the secrets of their success.

Keep 'em laughing. Throughout your marriage, you're going to face all sorts of challenges and stresses -- and sometimes laughter is the best medicine. You can't stay mad if you're laughing. So, when you notice the tension level getting high, try to find the humor in the situation. "Jason can always make me laugh," said Janet, who has been married for two years. "We don't really argue because when I get upset about something, Jason always makes me laugh and then the argument is over. Then we can calmly discuss any issues that we have."

Communication is key. No matter what happens, you have to keep the lines of communication open. According to Anne, my former college roommate, who has been married for ten years, "being married is kind of like having a roommate -- you get to learn each other's quirks and idiosyncrasies and how to deal with them."
"You have to learn to share your likes, dislikes, successes, failures, pet peeves -- everything -- in a caring way," Anne said. "Otherwise resentment may build up and you'll have petty arguments."

Show some support. Many newlyweds are young and just starting their careers. Others have been living single for years and aren't used to depending on others for support. In either case, once you're married you've agreed to become another person's support system.

Stephanie and Gregg just celebrated their ten year anniversary. "We were pretty young when we got married," Stephanie said. "We had just moved to a new city and were starting our careers. It was a pretty stressful time. One day I got so fed up with my job that I just quit. I didn't have another job lined up so I was afraid of what Gregg would say when I told him," she said. "He completely supported my decision. His support meant so much to me because it proved to me that we were in this thing together, for the long haul."

Share the chores. "When you're living together as newlyweds, it's very romantic, but the household chores still have to get done," Maryanne told me. She's been married to Jon for more than 12 years. "Don't get into bad habits where one person is doing more to maintain the household than the other. There has to be an expectation of sharing the responsibility."

In their household, Maryanne technically does more of the day-to-day maintenance of the house, but Jon does the "icky" jobs. "I clean the kitchen and do the laundry but Jon cleans up after the dogs and takes out the garbage. We feel like it's an equitable compromise," Maryanne said.

Dollars and Sense. Money can be a very emotional issue -- especially if one or both of you aren't good at keeping track of it. Before you get married, take time to determine your household income and expenses. Next, figure out your personal expenses -- make sure you include workday lunches, entertainment, and personal items like clothing and cosmetics. "Generally they say most newlyweds fight most about money," Anne told me. "To avoid that problem, my husband and I decided I would be Chief Financial Officer for the family. I pay all of the bills, balance the checkbook, and monitor our spending."

Managing your in-laws. This is a tricky one. If you're lucky, your in-laws will respect your boundaries. If not, they may feel like they have to be consulted on all of your decisions, from where you want to live to how you spend your holidays. "You have to be patient and understand that it's difficult to come into your husband's family," Maryanne said. "You and your husband are creating your own family unit with your own traditions. Be honest and caring, but be firm with your in-laws. Eventually, they learn to respect your decisions."

Give a little. Take a little. Too much time together can be a bad thing. If you're not allowing yourselves to pursue outside interests, you may begin to resent not having your own identities. "When you're first married you want to spend every minute together, but as time passes you realize that's just not possible," Dawn, who just celebrated her first anniversary, told me. "I encourage my husband to play sports or have poker nights with his friends. He supports me when I plan a 'girls night out' or take yoga classes." You also have to make sure you don't get too busy and neglect your marriage. To avoid this pitfall, Dawn and her husband plan a monthly date night. "It helps us reconnect -- especially when our professional lives get really hectic."

Your first year of marriage will be an exciting, romantic adventure. Sure, you'll encounter some bumps in the road, but overcoming these little obstacles will help your relationship grow stronger.

This article was contributed by Saint Louis Bride Magazine working in partnership with Wedding-Club.com. If you have questions or comments about this article, please email their editor at nancy.slade@wheremagazine.com.